Ugh. This is hard as hell.
I spent my first session inside my enclosure, which is too public for any kind of decency. I literally felt like a road-show clown. Can you imagine? You're driving your sweet little car, sipping your powerade or latte, tuned to sports radio or NPR. You love Belvedere for all its nice trees and big bodacious homes. You like to even pretend for a second that you live here; or not, the opposite, you are relieved you don't live here. You get to just.. admire the trees, the homes... and the lunatic standing in an enclosure made of yarn in the middle of the street.
Despite my self-consciousness I persisted. I told myself, "I own this space." (not true.) "I deserve to be here." (questionable?) "I look really cool standing here/doing sun salutations here/ doing walking meditations here/doing physical therapy exercises here/thinking/feeling..." (uncertain.)
then, without arguing with any of those thoughts I simply persisted.
I thought about the lives we draw circles, squares, triangles around with cement, barbed wire, lateral fencing, horizontal fencing (mine is yarn, and self-imposed.) I dedicated my uncertainty, fear, and vulnerability to all of those beings everywhere.
and called that enough.
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